I believe we are all born into this world innocent. Yet with feelings waiting to bloom. Sexual feelings. And my curiosity has always been. Are these feelings bubbled up like fat in a camel’s hump? Waiting for the right time. Or is it the gradual exposure to the world that makes us aware of what is around us and the feelings certain situations evoke in us?
Science talks of an adolescent stage. A stage of self-discovery and scientific evolution, if I can call it that. We make fun of the sudden different kind of dreams. The kind that the girls laugh at during the science lesson as we wither in shame. Science explains the physical changes—the growth of hair in areas that seem a little uncomfortable to talk about. The deepening of voice is something that most men look forward to. Makes them feel more like mature men. The beards that at first seem like the culmination of manhood and later a nuisance for some. But one thing that science doesn’t explain in totality is the emotional rollercoaster we are about to experience as men.
The best it does is tell us that we will certainly be more attracted to the opposite sex. But does it explain the extent of the attraction? Or the extent to which this will affect our bodies. One body part to be specific. A warning would have been nice to save us from public humiliation when ‘nature decides to take its course.’
Science says that man is naturally attracted to women. But we are living in different times now, and some men have decide to…. but this post is not about that. So, not so long ago. As a naïve young man going through adolescence, a random thought crossed my mind. How did the traditional man keep calm amongst all those uncovered women? Not to be disrespectful but how did they close of their minds. To differentiate between feelings evoked by the breasts of their family members and those of potential suiters? During a time when clothes were not a basic need. And there was no such thing as nudity. When every day was a Zulu reed dance ceremony. Nowadays, just the right amount of cleavage gets you that deal or job.
So, I ask myself. Is sexuality all about the mind? What is the difference between perversion and a man being a man? Where do we draw the line, and who is to blame? And as a man, when do you know when you are crossing the line? How do you separate the man from the pervert?
True story. I am walking on the streets of Nairobi one time. And this lady is wearing a short dress with a backpack. The backpack raises her dress a little too high, and her knickers are a little exposed. I must have been there enjoying the show for a minute or two when suddenly a man tapped her on the shoulder to pull her dress down. And at that moment in my mind, I am definitely thinking of my time burning in hell. But I am also aware I wouldn’t be burning alone. That man must have had a wife at home, and that morning must have been one of those mornings… so he was most probably good for days. I wasn’t. Or maybe I am just a pervert.
But again, the more I think about it. One story in the bible to be particular. I think of David watching Uriah’s wife shower. He goes ahead to send Uriah to his death to take his wife. The killing part, I will agree, was a bit overboard. But for such a favored man of God to fall in such a manner, it got me thinking of my own shortcomings. And he wasn’t the only one. And these stories, coming from a Christian’s guide to living a holy life, make me think about our nature as men. And ironically, the more I think about it, the more I am sometimes left with more questions than answers.
My economics professor in college dared mention sex at some point in life as a basic need for men. How often do we talk about our sexuality as men? And I don’t mean the random conversations of how much we love ass. Or the big debate on which is better, ass or breast. I mean the deep, meaningful, and sometimes emotional conversations around our sexuality. The stuff we struggle with, the sexual demons we struggle to tame. The position of women in our lives as more than just sexual beings. The role society plays in how we view both ourselves and women in regards to sexuality.
I believe this is a conversation we have ignored as a society. We are fast to condemn violent men, rapists, pedophiles. And don’t get me wrong, I am not here to advocate for any of them. But these are men who grow up in our society. Men who, I believe, were born innocent. And maybe men who have had to figure out sexuality by themselves as they grow up. What if these men were given the freedom to express themselves freely about their sexuality? What if they were part of conversations about how to treat women better and how women are not objects for their sexual gratification? What if these men were helped in separating the man from the pervert? Is there a possibility that society would have high-quality sexually mature men? Let me know in the comment section below.
